Is sex itself an act of violence? Not the kind of violent violence, the kind seen in action movies – but something more archaic, basic, and elemental. An appealing sort of violence. The idea of anything penetrating something else is – well, you know, violent. Especially as it pertains to a first sexual encounter, when two bodies share sacred space for the first time. (Both in terms of being literally a “virgin” or two sexually experienced individuals sharing one another for the first time – both situations are violent in so much as any new experience is sort of violent, kinda chaotic.)
Of course, my more exploratory friends who adhere to a strict BDSM lifestyle might have a different perspective on this issue, primarily focusing on the battle between control and submission. I’m not an expert on BDSM-anything, so I’ll let the experienced women and men fill in the blanks for me. Is BDSM a violent lifestyle, based on destroying and then re-creating an individual? How much does sex have to do with it?
All I know is that everytime I have sex (with a man or woman or multiple partners), I get this fleeting-returning-fleeting feeling that this gorgeous act of violence is transforming me – either for better or worse. I admit that entertaining this realization excites me. I recently admitted the feeling to myself as I orgasmed, and it ended up being one of the most emotionally charged climaxes I’ve ever experienced. Drenched in sweat, experiencing slight vaginal soreness mixing with post-orgasmic shivers and shakes, I knew my perception of sex had changed – probably for the better. I smiled, pleased with myself – pleased with my partner (technique and size do matter, fellas). Penetrated, pleased, and partnered. Yes, a violent act creating a new me.