Sex Toys and Adult Toys: The Bad List

So busy discussing what sex toys and adult toys are good that some of us forget to make lists of those vibrators, dildos, and other sex toys we should avoid. This is a financial thing, a performance thing, and a general dislike thing. Yes, it is a thing, the wrench in myism.

Here are the top ten toys that made my Shameful Sex Toys List:

Starting from the best of the worst …

10. Vibro-Pod

Preface: Yes, I know some of you love the Dickens out of this vibrating egg sex toy. So for some of you: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …” We all have different preferences, but the harder I tried to find something positive to say about the Vibro-Pod, the more I came to dislike this sex toy. I love my iPod as much as I love a wonderful sex toy. Why not merge the two industries for a little fun – some music to aid my masturbation. Yeah, right. If it only worked out that way.
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Two Sexy Announcements

Life is one evolving series of announcements. In keeping with the spirit of life, and hoping to keep you in tune with the latest sex-related news, I have some interesting news to share with you.

1. VibeReview, as was announced in the previous post, has several articles and reviews featured on DivineCaroline. Much like Digg and other social networking sites, DivineCaroline relies heavily on reader votes to place articles and reviews in advantageous situations for additional exposure. Put simply: The more readers hit the “I Liked It” avatar at the bottom of articles, the more exposure the article will receive.

Since many of you are VibeReview affiliates and/or reviewers, your support would be appreciated. Though your altruistic nature might be hibernating at the moment, you might also consider that each of you will benefit either directly or, more likely, indirectly by helping to promote these articles. After all, VibeReview enjoys sharing its success with affiliates and reviewers – and in a lot of different ways that may or may not go unnoticed.

Here are the articles currently on the site:

Beginner’s Sex Toy Guide
Introduction Guide to the G-Spot
Pearl Thunder Review

Please take 5-10 minutes to check out DivineCaroline and vote for all VibeReview’s content. The more popular these articles are, the more aggressive VibeReview can be with making decisions about future writers, reviewers, and so much more. We have plans, big plans for the future.

Additionally, if any of you use StumbleUpon, please take a minute to add VibeReview to your favorites page and write a 1-2 sentence review of the site. Every little bit helps.

2. Please check out and support The New York City Sex Bloggers 2009 Calendar Project. Some of the industry’s best writers and most recognized names are participating in the project, which is an extension of Sex Work 101, created by the everywhere-all-the-time, talented Audacia Ray. This exciting project aims to do away with the stigma associated with sex work while simultaneously promoting rights for sex workers.

Here is a breakdown of how you can support the project:

We’d like to offer everyone, readers and fellow bloggers, the opportunity to join in the fun and excitement, as well as promote your own blog if you have one. That means for $30 you can buy a day in our calendar and personalize it. If you’re a blogger you can have your blog url on your day, or if you’re a reader, any personal message – you can wish us luck or send a greeting to your favorite blogger or celebrate your birthday or anniversary – up to 80 characters will be printed on your day. That $30 includes one pre-ordered calendar (shipping is extra) with all funds in excess of our expenses going directly to Sex Work Awareness. You can purchase as many additional days as you like depending upon availability for $10 each. Since this is a 2009 calendar, we are on an extremely tight schedule and can only sell days through October 1st, 2008. We hope you will consider this a fun and creative way to promote your blog or just as a way to share in the pleasure and excitement this project has been bringing us in our effort to make our community and world a better, more sex-positive place to live.

So, yes. Please support this worthy cause by purchasing a calendar, writing a short post about the project and/or spreading the word to your sexy friends.

Thanks to all!

-Heather

DivineCaroline: Networking and Socializing for Women

Anyone else visit iVillage.com frequently? I used to spend hours and hours reading the pro-woman content posted on iVillage. However, in the last two or three months I realized that I was spending more and more time, trying to find an article or editorial bit that appealed to me. I don’t have enough time in my life trudge through a bunch of frogs to find the prince (or princess!).

Task. Journey. Search.

To find a new source of information. To find a community of female writers, professionals, sexual enthusiasts, intelligence, class, and maturity …

The Holy Grail of Pro-Woman Content: DivineCaroline
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My Favorite Sex Toy Right Now

I haven’t posted my own sex toy review in close to a year!  I spend all my time communicating with people about sex toys that I am usually burnt out when it comes to writing reviews.  Of course, I test out nearly all the sex toys (vibrators, dildos, vibrating love rings, lubes, etc.) that are brand new, but wrting a review has been close to impossible with my other duties.  Rather than spend a lot of time talking about one sex toy, I am going to write a quick post about my favorite adult toys.  I don’t reveal my favorites often enough because I am interested in reading and hearing about what other people like.

Currently my favorite sex toy:

Gigi

It goes without saying that Lelo has created the next generation of quality sex toys, but the Gigi is my sexy solution after a stressful day or night. A lot of women focus on its remarkable ability to gently yet firmly stimulate the G-spot, which is absolutely true; but the Gigi can also be used for clit and labia stimulation. I love the massage sensations created by its pulsating, vibrating head that has a flat-to-round surface, perfect for moving in circles on my clit and labia.

It only takes a minute or so for me to have a clitoral orgasm with the Gigi leading the way. For whatever reason, I have this masturbation routine where I try to have a clit orgasm before messing with any penetration. I don’t know if my vagina is tighter than most, but I have to be really aroused (usually after having a clit orgasm) before I can enjoy deep penetration. The Gigi does have kind of an awkward shape that creates a strange sensation when first inserted, but once those vibrations kick in and tickle my fleshly insides, I orgasm so hard I feel like a balloon ready to pop.

This is a good sex toy for couples, too. My fella knows how to get me going with the Gigi. I am one of those ladies who needs a lot of foreplay before sex, and I’ve found that my orgasms are much stronger during sex when my guy teases me with the Gigi before we get down to business. The Miracle Massager is another good one for couples foreplay. But nothing could replace my lovely Gigi vibrator.

I plan on pointing out what toys I dislike in future posts. Maybe I can help someone avoid buying a dud sex toy. And, from time to time, I will post other favorite sex toy posts.

I’m Back, I’m Bad, and I’m Tan

How many of you missed me?  That many of you?!!  Well, I am back from my vacation to Puerto Rico.  Tanning than ever, more relaxed than I have been in years, and fully charged and ready to get down and dirty with whatever comes my way until the next vacation.

Here are a couple of personal admissions and observations that smacked my brain during the trip:

Most of my fears have no basis in reality – that is to say, I have no justification for fearing certain things.  Yet I am still plagued by the strangest fears in normal situations that produce an overwhelming anxiety in my mind and then my body.

The combination of airplanes and flying freaks me out.  I hate flying.  Planes freak me out.  And I have no reasonable explanation as to why I have this dominating fear.  Every jerk, drop, or bounce – I start looking around at people’s facial expressions for comfort, the kind of body language exploration that will grant me a moment or two of serenity.  I’ll look for a nod of approval so that I can finally relax.  The whole “I know how you feel; I’ve been there” response without words.

I eventually worked myself up on this short flight (like five or six hours) to the point that sleeping became my sole remedy.  I can’t figure out why I am afraid of flying, which is what bothers me the most.  I flew back and forth from my father’s city every Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, or any cause for celebration since I was a kid because my parents were divorced.  I never freaked out when I was younger, so this is a relatively new sense of emotional discomfort.

Regardless, I made it through the flight.  There and back.  And now I am home bragging about how I managed to sleep my way into forgetting that I was thousands of miles in the air, high above deep oceans and massive cities.  Maybe this was a one time event (wrapped up into two flights) for me?  I’m not sure, but I hope that’s the case.

While in Puerto Rico I refused to stay on the resort property.  I spent several hours each night sitting in the hot tub or swimming in the pool, but during the day I was out and about, mixing it up with the locals, who I found to be quite friendly and helpful.  Why go on vacation to another country and sit by a pool or hang out with people I could visit with in my own country?  I could have saved a lot of money by just staying in the US if that’s what I wanted.

So, yeah.  I said screw that … I am going to snorkel, swim, eat, and whatever else with an unfamiliar culture.  Great, great experience.  The food, fantastic.  Loved every dish at each restaurant.  I even managed to force down squid and sea snails.  Yuck, right?  The stuff tasted wonderful.  Kinda like chicken with a rubbery texture.  I figured both would be somewhat slimy, but that wasn’t the case.  If you ever plan on visiting San Juan or Fejardo, I can help you find the best spots to eat at.  (Most of the better restuarants are expensive, so keep that in mind.)

I took sex toys with me.  Several of my favorite vibrators, my favorite dildo, and of course, my lovely fella.  Lots of sex, several times a day.  I’m not the most exciting lover on most days, as I am so worn out with work.  I need to mix a little pleasure into my life, especially seeing as I am in the adult toy business.  It becomes all too easy to pull out a toy and please myself in a few minutes, whereas my guy is ready for a long night of sex and experimentation.

Part of it is having the kids and working so many hours, but the other part, I think, is the saturation of sex-related themes in my work life.  I have a libido; I am … Well, I am lazy lover, or have been over the last 4-5 months.  This trip allowed me enough time and relaxation to really open up.  I was bad.  A bad, bad girl.  We had sex in the pool, hot tub, and on the beach.  Public sex!  I hadn’t done that in a long time, so it was an enthralling experience.  And the naughtiest of times in our room, which overlooked the ocean. My sex toys, too, were used in new and innovative ways that, for whatever reason, hadn’t ever occured possible.

Trash.  I don’t consider myself to be the best environmentalist.  But – I get really upset about seeing trash everywhere.  I’ve been known to pick up my neighbors’ trash frequently, if only to keep my sanity within grasp.  If I see trash on the ground, even in the city, I pick it up.  I get so pissed off when I see trash laying on the ground.  In fact, it’s one of the few things that make me angry.  Puerto Rico is full of trash: cigarette buds are everywhere, beer cans on the beach, diapers sitting in the grass, wrecked car parts laying all over the street.  And in the ocean, I noticed all of these things and more (even a Halloween costume!) laying on the sandy bottom as I snorkeled.

I fished out trash, threw it on the beach, and eventually put my new collection of discards in a trash can.  The locals watched me like I was crazy, wondering what the hell I was doing.  I couldn’t help myself, I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t walk or swim away with all that trash in the ocean.  And, most of all, I couldn’t understand why anyone would throw away his or her shit in the ocean or on the beach.  This happened at most of the beaches we frequented.  It was a sad, disgusting sight still bothering me.

The resort itself wasn’t very clean, either.  When I mentioned this to the manager, he responded by saying, “This is a third world country.”  At which time, I asked him, “Is this a third world resort?  Because if it is, I need a third world hotel rate, because I significantly overpaid.”  He didn’t like that response, so he followed it up with, “It did rain several days ago and the river probably washed up most of the trash you are referring to.”  Again, I retorted, “Did the river wash tons of trash under my hotel room’s balcony?”  He took a few notes and said, “I will mention this to the general manager.” He wrote something down, but it had little to do with the trash we discussed.

Small cars rock.  Sort of.  Don’t ever drive a big car or a truck in Puerto Rico.  The roads are surprisingly narrow and people do not slow down, so there were a few times that we barely managed to escape a collision.  The police officers drive with their lights on for no apparent reason.  People honk for no real reason at all.

If you don’t like beggars coming up to your car in the city, you will dislike Puerto Rico, since locals flood each and every stop sign and traffic light, seeking free money or for drivers to purchase cold beverages or tropical fruit.  No one is rude or demanding, or expects anything.  It’s their version of business mingling in a society that lacks jobs, education, and overall economic advancement.  But this process works for them, as many people preferred to purchase beverages from their cars rather than pull over at a gas station.

So, I had a great time, learned a lot about my fellow human beings and myself, and found enough time to mix in some sexy pleasure.  Plus all the lounging on the beach and snorkeling in the ocean.  Oh, and I found a massive conch shell and gigantic starfish on the Seven Seas Beach in Fejardo.  Both sea creatures were alive, which added a lot of excitement.  I plan on posting some pictures in the coming days – if I don’t get too behind with catching up.

Hope everyone has been doing well.

‘Obama For President’ Discount

The political calendar is full of boring retorts that have nothing to do with changing the country for the better. To liven up the situation, VibeReview decided to launch its new ‘Obama For President” Coupon this afternoon. If you want to save a few bucks during these trying economic times and you want to show some love for Obama, this is the right coupon for you.

Obama For President Coupon

You can use the 10% coupon over and over and over until election day. Not a bad deal at all.

And apparently some Diggs are being thrown around:

Obama and Vibrators

The majority of the country went with “Wanted Dead or Alive” during the last election. Why not go with sex toys for equality. Sure, it’s not the catchiest idea in the world, but at least everyone is so busy pleasing him or herself (or each other) that we can’t cause too many problems. Staying busy, getting busy, and having fun – that’s the key.

Sex Toys and Texas

I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time discussing the ongoing battle between Texas politicians and religious groups versus sex toys, adult toy retailers, and people who enjoy a good buzz or two. Why does it matter what another person or couples do in the privacy of their home? If both individuals are consenting adults, the government shouldn’t have a say in his or her or their affairs. Apparently and thankfully, the law has spoken in agreement, since sex toys are now legal in Texas.

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, though, seems determined to push his luck. Will he pursue this “cause” to the highest level? Seems Texas is finished with this debate and unless the Supreme Court wants to waste its precious time on plastic gizmos that give men and women pleasure, Texas might as well view itself as the Sex Toy State, with Alabama lagging behind.

Mind you, the State of Texas now taxes topless bars to fund state services. Yes, purchasing a sex toy for private pleasures is obscene, wrong, and immoral – but we’ll tax the hell out of “titty” bars because state funds are running low! The hypocrisy is sickening. While I would never dream of being a topless dancer or owning that type of bar, I am fine with women and/or men choosing erotic dancing as their profession. If you want to dance for money and it works for you, who am I to tell you what is right or wrong? It might not be right for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s not right for you.

My point is simple: the State of Texas wants to ride the back of a largely “public” sex-related industry, taxing it to replenish dwindling state funds, while at the very same moment ban a sex-related industry that focuses on providing women and men and couples with sex toys for their own “private” use. I assure you that a tax – oh, yes – a tax on sex toys is coming, as soon as Greg Abbott decides how far he wants to push this issue.

We live in a country where health insurance and pharmaceuticals are afterthoughts for many people, because they simply cannot afford to take care of basic health concerns.

A place where education of all forms, especially for K-12, is falling behind our competitors in the global economy. (Texas education is, without a doubt, lacking substance and performance.)

A land where some man with a holy roller agenda can tell a woman what she should or should not do with her own body.

A fairy tale creation where imaginary heroes and leaders can wage illegal wars through manipulating the public into agreement, with devilish lies and schemes.

A wonderful place of freedom where politicians believe it’s alright for employers to discriminate against people of differing sexual orientations and gender issues.

But you can bet your ass if they can’t eradicate what they view as “immoral” or “obscene”, they’ll tax the living hell out of it. Unless it is a corporate golf buddy promising campaign contributions and future vacation hot spots. (Just don’t go hunting with Dick Cheney – he’s a bad shot.)

How is it that alcohol companies, tobacco companies, pharmaceutical companies, real estate and banking industries – yes, that they can cause whatever damage they want, to whomever they wish, without suffering extreme consequences? All made more insane by the fact that jerk offs like Greg Abbott waste state funds and taxes on attempting to ban sex toys! As if the State of Texas doesn’t have enough problems to deal with: drugs, violent crimes, hate crimes, death penalty, murder, rape, gangs, teenage pregnancy, poverty, poor educational infrastructure … all the important issues.

/Rant Over