How to eat pussy

This is a pretty funny (and by that I mean “trashy”) guide on everyone’s favorite recreation: cunnilingus!

Now here’s some advice I have for you: never under any circumstance use any of that web page’s … uh … “euphemisms” when you’re attempting to go down or be gone down upon. It will end in serious fail.

Here are a few gems:

Instead of a screaming “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what fucking should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “ooohmygodohmygodohmygod.” Kind of like being massaged with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik.

Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

Once you’re done, she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate.

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1 Comment

  1. This is hilarious! And for the record, I don’t mind the word cunt.


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