Sex and Violence

Is sex itself an act of violence?  Not the kind of violent violence, the kind seen in action movies – but something more archaic, basic, and elemental.  An appealing sort of violence.  The idea of anything penetrating something else is – well, you know, violent.  Especially as it pertains to a first sexual encounter, when two bodies share sacred space for the first time.  (Both in terms of being literally a “virgin” or two sexually experienced individuals sharing one another for the first time – both situations are violent in so much as any new experience is sort of violent, kinda chaotic.)

Of course, my more exploratory friends who adhere to a strict BDSM lifestyle might have a different perspective on this issue, primarily focusing on the battle between control and submission.  I’m not an expert on BDSM-anything, so I’ll let the experienced women and men fill in the blanks for me.  Is BDSM a violent lifestyle, based on destroying and then re-creating an individual?  How much does sex have to do with it?

All I know is that everytime I have sex (with a man or woman or multiple partners), I get this fleeting-returning-fleeting feeling that this gorgeous act of violence is transforming me – either for better or worse.  I admit that entertaining this realization excites me.  I recently admitted the feeling to myself as I orgasmed, and it ended up being one of the most emotionally charged climaxes I’ve ever experienced.  Drenched in sweat, experiencing slight vaginal soreness mixing with post-orgasmic shivers and shakes, I knew my perception of sex had changed – probably for the better.  I smiled, pleased with myself – pleased with my partner (technique and size do matter, fellas).  Penetrated, pleased, and partnered.  Yes, a violent act creating a new me.


  1. As that guy one said: “sex is violent“. But spanking, flogging, and other ostensibly violent acts are really more about trust and control. Trust is an important part of a relationship and this otherwise abstract concept is physically manifested when a sub chooses to be restrained and otherwise abused. So I guess what I’m saying is that BDSM is more complex than just the so-called violent aspects of it.

  2. Wait, Dimitri. So it is a state of mind? I trust you not to hurt me even though you are? It has to do with enjoying the sting, the pain – the “whatever” that comes with serious BDSM practices and principles. The trust part seems like a fallback when one can’t explain why an injurious act is viewed as pleasurable. Not that I mind, you know. Consenting adults and all. I can buy the “it’s more complex” viewpoint, because I sure don’t get it. But I don’t have to get it. If a person partaking in BDSM activities “gets it”, that’s all that matters in the end (har-har).

    As to this idea of sex (in the general sense) being a violent act, I can see why a woman would view it as such. Or even a man in a gay relationship. Penetration itself, when you think about it, is violent – no matter how soft or gentle. Varying degrees, obviously.

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