Follow you into the dark.

Apparently my friends somehow think this is quite romantic.

The fact that you’ve been secretly carrying a torch for someone. Something you’ve dismissed as a crush. But then you realise its not exactly a crush when you grow much older and you realise you still feel something special for that person, or is it?

But having a crush on someone for that long surely cannot be romantic. No, the romanticism is not in the fact that you can harbour a secret crush for someone for so long, but in that it goes both ways.

Apparently, it does happen. That two people can be secretly liking each other but never found the reason to say anything until years later when the people around them convince them of the truth that is somehow blatantly laid before them but still rather invisible. That she thinks she’s too young for him, that he will never be interested in her type. That he thinks he’s a little too old for her, that she’s young and she should explore her options, date guys her own age and party the way early to mid twenty somethings do.

So while the rest of the world stops to stare and gawk at how two people can be so oblivious to each other, they go on with their lives, moving on with other people but never finding them good enough. Somehow, something was lacking.

Apparently all it took though, was a breakup and a harsh reminder from the now ex-girlfriend that perhaps he is waiting for something, or someone that had been standing there, a person he didn’t dare notice because he simply didn’t know what to do with her.

Little did he know, she had even less of an idea what to do with herself, much less with someone like him in the picture.

But the reminder was timely, and like a diver ready to take the plunge into the pool, hoping he’ll make the mark, he took a deep breath and did what he was supposed to do all along.

But all she could do was to stare in shock and smile, and laugh a nervous laugh, with tears forming in the corner of her eyes. Can you imagine, a 20 something year old with her 10 year crush suddenly saying the words that were so laden with meaning and emotion, the stuff she always dreamed of but quickly brushed aside as wishful thinking?

In the same way that people try to speak when awestruck, when met with something they never anticipated, she could only start the sentence with “and I…”, never finding the words to finish it.

So she could only reciprocate with a hug, hoping he’ll find in it the same meaning she had tried to convey with him verbally but failed.

But when she felt his arms tight around her, she realised one thing.

She still didn’t know what to do with herself.




  1. Seems like a good sort of “don’t what to do”.
    So ask her to just skip and hop along with him to see what will happen next.
    But of course she must be aware, that the he and the she 10 years ago isn’t exactly the same as the he and the she today; that she and he must eventually negotiate the present rather than linger in the past; that yesterday’s innocence is always beautiful and romantic but we just isn’t much innocent anymore.
    Still, ask her to skip and hop along with him, beacuse “who really knows”, that a little fanning can burst the ashes into flames.

  2. This song is the post-20th century version of Colin Raye’s Love Me lor. Audio tear-jerkers…

  3. chaosm: a little fanning can burst into flames huh…yeah maybe..maybe not..we’ll see =)

    3P: don’t we all love audio tear jerkers? =P This is for those who wanna sound like Colin Raye but cooler. *lol*

  4. I like the way you write ^_^ I’ve featured your post at The Singapore Daily []. Keep blogging!

  5. SGDaily: thanks =)

  6. I like this entry very much.
    Made me think a whole lot of those days of fluttering/fleeting crushes.
    Can i re-post this at my own blog?

  7. I mean, NOT the whole thing.
    Just a few selected sentences that struck a chord in me:)

  8. OK. Just pretend i never commented anything.
    I’m a little loony in the wee hours of the morning.


    P/S, I enjoyed reading this post
    (i found this from some singapore_daily link…)

    And i hf no idea why i’m “public” enough to
    reveal my blog addie. pffffft…

  9. Sueanna: sure you’re free to quote as long as you link back to this post =) Thanks for the visit!

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s