We all have friends. Some we’ve known randomly, others we’ve known since we were kids, some from school. Along the way we meet new people, we drop some people, we disappear, we lose contact with a few. But one thing that’s for sure is that we all have people whom we regard as very close friends, those we will never fail to keep in contact with, even if its just once every month because we’re all busy and caught up with our own lives. But it is the fact that meeting up is often a rare occasion that makes these meetings always something to look forward and often enjoyable because everyone would make it a point to show up.

I’m not that sociable a person, but I’m glad to say that I have a few close friends from each of my stages in life after primary school, and even if we don’t meet up often we’d make it a point to stay in touch and keep each other updated about our lives, through blogs (not this one of course), e-mails, and even MSN.

I don’t know if anyone has experienced this but you know how you always try to get someone out and they are always unavailable, to the point that you eventually just give up? I mean, its acceptable if the person is unfortunately caught up in work, but I’d say that is frustrating to a point. Worse still if he/she doesn’t even bother to reply your sms-es or emails or MSN messages, even if its just to say hi.

But what’s worse is someone you’ve been so close to in school, and continued to be close to after, but just decided to disappear.Β  By disappear I don’t mean just stop responding to everything, that would have made things so much easier. But each time you ask them out for coffee, lunch, dinner, movie, outing to the zoo, they make up some excuse about not being to attend. Mother’s sick cannot go out, dog sick must bring him to vet, going overseas (how many times can you go overseas a year?!?), got wedding to attend, having period cramps, etc.

Of course, the first few occasions you’d believe he/she and then just let the matter rest. But what if it happens every single time you ask them out? Which only happens like once every couple of months or every three months or every half a year.

The best thing is when a mutual friend is going overseas for a while for work commitments and you arrange a meet up. The sole purpose of course is to meet the person, give her our well wishes, spend some time with her since you won’t be able to see her for a year. The secondary purpose of course is to catch up with each other. I mean, isn’t that what friends do?

The worst thing is that when it has been explicitly mentioned that friend going overseas can only make it on that particular day. Even if you have something on, can’t you at least make attempt to try to make it? This isn’t just an ordinary friend but the ones we’ve shared joy and laughter and tears with kinda friends. You know, the kind whom you would run to when your boyfriend dumps you.

So if a person says she can’t make it for the dinner, and doesn’t respond when you ask if she would be able to make it to see friend going overseas off, isn’t it fully justified to feel frustrated especially when this is the nth time she has made some excuse/reason to not attend gatherings.

The worst thing is making up feeble excuses to not attend. I mean, if you’ve decided to move on with life and not want to meet up with us anymore, or if you have some personal issues that stop you from meeting your friends, shouldn’t the fact that you guys are close friends make it a good enough reason for you to be mature about it and say that you need a break from these gatherings?

Seriously, I don’t understand.

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19 Comments

  1. Wait till your pals start getting married… then you’d be wondering should you go “support” some friend you haven’t met for a while, if only to add on to his/her ang pow collection!

  2. Well,… lets just leave it as some pple just cannot be bothered?
    For example, prior to my departure earlier this year, a few friends organised a farewell bbq at my place. A good number turned up but there are another few who gave lame excuses not to turn up. I guess its thru these kinda times that you know who your true friends are and who you can depend on in life.
    It doesn’t matter what you had done for them, they could had taken you for granted. Those who did not came for that bbq, I was by their side when they got dumped by their gf last time, but so what?
    So i suggest just take it in your stride. In life, friends come and go but those that stick by you are friends for life.

    I hope i make sense… blame it on the triple shot of whiskey…

  3. I would say that some people are just like that, so much so that I myself got frustrated and gave up in the end. Perhaps it’s because they do not dare to be frank about not wanting to meet, that’s why they give all kinds of funny excuses.

    Sure you might have been close friends before, but as always, friends come and go, especially when you might not have met up for quite a while. Or say certain things have happened in their lives that now, they do not feel that both parties are on the same wavelength to remain as close friends anymore. Hence the parting and myriad excuses.

  4. Kian: i doubt these ppl will bother to send me any invites since i might have already vanished in their world =P

    Ben & Nahele: actually after the initial frustration disappears, you start to wonder. since in my case i have been very close to some of these people, and you know that they hardly spend time with other friends, it makes you wonder if they are left with any friends at all in the end.

    i mean, there have been times where because i was too busy with life that sometimes i stop contacting my friends for awhile, and i don’t meet up with them cause i was too busy with school and ccas. of course i dun give silly excuses but i realise that after awhile i find myself without friends cause i’ve been neglecting them. also when you meet up with them for awhile you realise you miss out alot.

    so what happens to those who make everyone frustrated by churning out silly excuse after silly excuse? sure you can make new friends but i’m sure there will come a time where the cycle ends.

  5. I know exactly how you feel
    I have a 3 strike rule
    though it’s not set in stone.. πŸ˜‰

  6. hmm…. thinking on a clear mind now…
    It had happened to me before. As in me being one of the few who refused to meet up. But most of the time, I really dun wanna hang out with those few. Cause I dun feel close to them and can say that i dun really enjoy their company up front. Stupid excuses, maybe credit due to training last time.

    However, own bunch of frens… i would say that we understand each other very well.. and we often try to make time for one another whenever we are free. Sometimes it gets tiring, i understand.. but its thru such time that we leave that person alone and that person will definitely come back in due time. Another example, when I was seeing this girl.. they just leave me alone as they know that when i am done with my stuff.. I will go back to them. I guess its the common understanding that grows within the friendship as years goes on.

    One who might be your very best friend for now, might disappoint u in due time but those who always are there for you are like diamonds.. there forever.

  7. Dylan: depends on?

    Ben: yeah i get what you mean, which is why its frustrating why some people who have been so damn close to you to the extent where you share everything with them just suddenly decide to disappear. but i guess dats just the way it goes..

    which is why i think as i grow older i begin to cherish the friends around me more, and make more effort to meet up with them even though i might be busy.

  8. Sometimes such purported close friends tend to be nice to us just so as to invest in a friendship whereby they can run to us when they have problems. When we have been missing out in the circle they might feel that we have lost our ‘value’ to be a ready listening ear or support presence. We may have regarded certain people as close pals or buddies, but sometimes they just don’t see it that way. They ‘quantify’ friendships and even close friendships in what sort of value they can gain from us, in the same way they quantify all material things. It makes me sick sometimes just thinking about all these. As a Chinese saying goes, friends make use of each other. Come to think of it human beings are pretty cheap. Sad fact of life i guess.

  9. fair weather friends aplenty. some chuck you aside when the novelty runs out, some brush you away because you’re no longer their number one ‘fun’ friend. fuck them, move on, and one day you’ll find that one true friend. and one true friend is all you’ll ever need, not a friendster with 9999 friends.

    πŸ˜‰

  10. hey you! how have you been?

  11. haha.. i’m relaxing 5 corners with the modules i’m taking πŸ˜‰ and i’m so so soo into facebook poker now!

    what’s with the eye anyway?

  12. i partially accord blame to society, especially when the normative person has a family unit to fall back upon such that friends are of a lower priority; slowly then (like jolly mentioned), friends start to make use of each other.

    actually i prefer the concept that friends are people with similar baggage.

    i count myself as lucky to have friends that really showed me what friendship is all about–when they are willing to cast aside everything to stand by a friend in need, when they are willing to put aside that $300 of life-savings to repay a friend’s loanshark debts. that’s when you know this friend will be by your side for life.

    thank you to all those friends out there. a salute for sharing our burden.

    we will share yours too.

  13. Aristocrat: cant hang out with yr family all the time right.

    but yeah I’m glad to know friends who have been willing to almost lay down their lives for each other, and even if its just a couple, I’m blessed.

  14. we are all blessed i guess, in a way we’ll never figure out.

    sounds like a quarter-life crisis you’re having here eh?

  15. hoho, maybe =P

  16. getting christmassy here too, aren’t we?

  17. i like to celebrate my christmasses way in advance =P

  18. like all my friends, hurhur.

  19. yeah baby


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