The previous discussions on the importance of sex in marriage led me to think of another scenario. May or may not be true, but for argument’s sake let’s just assume that whatever I’m saying has some basis in real life.

Let’s assume that infidelity is an acceptable norm, that we all see no moral flaws in someone, be it male or female, fucking another outside their relationship or marriage.

Let’s also assume that infidelity arises when two people get together and decide to stay in a committed relationship, a marriage or something similar without the nasty social constructs and ties us in. And somewhere along the line, both people decide that sex isn’t as interesting anymore and want to fuck other people but still want to stay with each other in an otherwise normal relationship.

Now that we’ve got these two held constant, let me present the scenario.

We’ve got Man on the one hand, with his soon-to-be wife, Woman. Now, Man is unhappy when it comes to sex with Woman, because she always seem to resist his demands for intimacy, and doesn’t want to do the one thing that most men enjoy when it comes to sex, giving head. Note, this is before marriage. Both Man and Woman are planning to get married but Man is just feeling frustrated with the sex, and also because Woman doesn’t give head.

So Man looks for Girl to satisfy his needs. Both before and after marriage.

So my question is, if Man is already unsatisfied with Woman on the sexual front even before marriage, why is the wedding even taking place when he already plans to find Girl to satisfy him?



  1. Point 1 – You sure have a funny scenario going on. Sounds like something i caught on film before.

    Point 2 – Does Woman know of the infidelity? If she does, she allows it? It might be a ‘social-norm’ in your scenario but what does she think of it? Please make it clear. 🙂

    Point 3 – Maybe Man did not try hard enough to persuade Woman to give head.

    Point 4 – You have a screwed-up Man.

  2. maybe because no other Woman can put up with Man’s sloth and other miscellaneous character flaws. Girl s are a dime a dozen. unless the Girl happens to be a Lady, who can suck the bejesus out of Man and still live with him. then perhaps Man will leave Woman to be with Lady.
    Bluntly, Man might as well employ a Maid, since there is no difference between Maid and Woman except for the sex. Much akin to being a girl’s best male friend. you do everything a boyfriend does except having sex with the girl. Peace to all females. *chope*

  3. Ben: haha, trust me i’ve come across it before. and no, Woman doesn’t know of course. Happily oblivious. Maybe she does know but pretends she doesn’t. I agree with your points 3 and 4. Of course, when you tell a person he hasn’t tried enough people tend to get defensive and come up with all kinds of excuses.

    And yes, I’m sure Man is pretty screwed up. =P

    AL: firstly, wtf is “chope”?!?

    Given your first point, if Man leaves Woman to be with Lady, what can guarantee Lady that Man will not ever do the same thing to her he did with Woman? Her wondrous sucking skills? I doubt so. But yeah perhaps there is no other like Woman. Then again, if we follow Ben’s point #3, then maybe Man just cannot be bothered to make the effort to find someone else who can live with him. It takes effort to chase skirts, I’m sure you understand that *winks*

    I’m sure Man can have sex with Maid if he wants to, which reminds me of one of the stories I read in “Best of Singapore Erotica”.

  4. It’s called “insurance”.
    End of the day, Man needs a good fuck, so if he can’t find fresh prey, the old one at home will do…

    …ok, that was tongue in cheek lah. It’s more like you want the main course, then you want the desserts. But which takes precedence?

  5. This is bad for a lazy afternoon at home.. Haha… Well, you have to understand that when you tell the person he has not tried hard enough….. if he gets all defensive and such. its sometimes more than just excuses. Let’s face it, sometimes, when Men (in general), tries his best and is at his wits’ end, to be told that is purely an insult. Its not like we didn’t try, but we did and we HAVE to know how to improve the situation.

    For example, many a times my gf likes to play the mind-reading games. And many a times i failed. Its not that I never try, but we have to know what u ladies want. But if we managed to get it out of you, then you all go and say things like “It takes me to say out what i want / how it is done.. there is no meaning to it now..” and you all start to sulk. Come on.. give us a break. We are called Man and not God for a reason. We cannot read minds. Unless you ladies really believe Mel Gibson in “What Women Want.” Then again, if you do, pls get Mel Gibson as a bf. We can try as we might, its always a lose-lose thing for us.

    Back to your scenario, maybe the Man just did not pamper her enough and such. Maybe a good talk and such might be a good way to start. However, if he did all that and had to really resort to Girl for a blowjob, then marriage is doom, especially since Woman don’t know abt it. Imagine the Woman’s wrath when she finds out, I pity the Man in the picture.

  6. Kian: haha. I’d say in this case the dessert takes precedence? Everyone knows how sinful dessert can be…=)

    Ben: no better way to spend a lazy afternoon than to spend it leaving comments on my blog. haha.

    You can say that women often don’t articulate their desires enough but when it comes to sex, what can be more difficult? It’s all in the seduction isn’t it? Unless of course Woman expects a diamond ring everytime she has sex with Man, then that’s a different story altogether.

    But let’s assume Man tells you that he has tried everything and he not only cannot get her to have sex, she doesn’t like to give blowjobs, which is exactly what Man likes.

    Still, its hard to say who is the pitiful party. Can we blame Woman for not giving Man the sex he wants? Or should we pity her because Man is fooling around behind her back?

  7. Haha.. was supposed to spend the whole day on Anatomy.. but little did I realised that i left such a long comment.

    Well,.. no sex in a relationship.. this i heard of.. in fact, some people do believe in it and thats why they are saving themselves for marriage.

    If the Woman is worth it, am sure any Man will wait.. but the moment he fools around, doesn’t that brings up a question of his commitment? Then again, if Woman insist of no sex, she must be compromising by giving in other ways as well right?

    Its all give and take. You win some, you lose some.. but more often than not.. guys tend to lose more. and i am speaking strictly from the point of mind-reading.

  8. Ben: anatomy rox =P I’m sure there are people who can go without sex in a relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with that. but when it comes to sex within a marriage where one wants it and the other doesn’t then there’s the problem, right?

    I can understand where you’re coming from, and even more so when its a newly wedded couple and sex is not in the picture. Sounds quite ridiculous to me, especially when you’re in the newly wedded stage. Which is why I mused whether pity should fall on the woman since, in a very crude manner, she “asked for it”.

    But then again, do you really need to read someone’s mind to have sex with her, esp so if she’s your wife?

  9. Sigh.. i think i just flunked it.

    Well,.. no sex in a relationship is not uncommon. But no sex in a marriage? You got to be kidding me right? That’s really unheard of. I mean who don’t enjoy sex? Haha… Thats why you see so many escapades to places like Batam and Bang-kok.

    I don’t really pity the woman. Cause she should had seen it coming if they were to engage in no sexual activity. Besides, they are married. So where else would she expect her husband to go to when he is up and horny?

    To answer your last question, nope.. you don’t need to read someone’s mind to have sex with him/her. You just need a horny dick and a partner who is willing. Especially so if she is your wife. Shouldn;t have much problem indeed.

  10. Ben: which is why I feel that there should be little barriers to getting your wife to have sex with you? Unless she has some closeted fear of penetration sex or something…hmm..

  11. setting the scene with infidelity as a norm and with the premise that there is no moral character issue when is comes to infidelity and it’s become expected behavior and is permitted and tolerated … there is no point in the question.

  12. hmmm…what about assuming that there are no moral standards assigned to infideility? we won’t decide whether it is right or wrong, but are just judging the actions of Man

  13. Apologies for jumping into the fray but I assume everyone has heard of open marriage?

    Agnes Jervis anyone?

    “The heart has reasons that Reason does not understand”

  14. Hmm, I was hoping someone would mention open marriage but…*shrugs* =) hey how have you been/

  15. Just thought I want to write something.
    Maybe to ease some anxieties here. Biological sexual desire do die down somewhat as you grow older. When work and other commitments kick in. The bird and the cat are kinda like animals who get stronger when the feed is constant and in big amounts. Starve them a little and they ain’t as formidable. Hehe. I ain’t getting fed as much as in my studying days, and I don’t seem to crave as much too. But maybe it’s just me.
    However, the psychological aspects of sex is rather more complicated. So it can’t be just about blowjobs in your scenario. You will have to give more details to make this case analysable.
    I also want to point out this idea of loving someone so much that you are willing to let him/her stray. That can’t be love, can it? That’s insecurity, obsession, or whatever complexes there can be that’s causing this abnormal behaviour.
    And also the idea that what your partner don’t know don’t hurt is statistically unlikely to work in Singapore. Where the place is so small. And anyway, you should not treat your partner like a fool. Because in a marriage, your spouse will definitely sense things amiss. Well, unless he/she is really a fool, or you’re supersmart.
    Okay, I’m losing the trains going all over the place. My comment doesn’t seem coherent. So that’s it for now.

  16. We can’t possibly know everything in someone’s life if he/she doesn’t want to talk about it, so if you assume that this is your friend, telling you this scenario, then how much more can you ask of the person to make this “analaysable”?

    And yes I agree that impossible for someone to love a person so much he/she is willing to let them stray, but it has happened, and how do we explain something like this? is this possible in the name of love?

    But then again, what is love?

  17. Well, it doesn’t help much to analyse a case if information is incomplete. You probably end up with the wrong conclusion.
    Things like how Man and Woman met, what they often do together, what jobs they hold, their family background, their character … can often give you some clues as to why they decide to get married, why Man stray, why Woman doesn’t give blowjobs.
    I know of quite a few broken marriages that have similar symptoms but the causes are rather different.

    Letting a partner stray in the name of love? We can of course do and say whatever we want in the name of love. There’s this lady I know who allowed her 2nd husband to sexually abuse her daughter from the 1st marriage. She just couldn’t go through any more quarrels, and probably have another divorce. My guess is that she convinced herself – it is because of ‘love’ that she allowed the thing to happen. Anyway, after the police got involved and the husband was arrested, she realised how much she hated him.

    To me, love must be in general, positive. For all things abnormal and extreme, love can’t be found there.

  18. Fishing for answers, aren’t you? Heh.

    Everything’s in a whir–feels like Week 11. Whoosh~ How about you?

  19. Chaosm: hmmmm. *shrugs*

    Aristocrat: WEEk 11? are you nuts haha. I’m just trying hard to get a B+ for all my core modules and A- for my cross facs. otherwise i’m quite screwed =P

  20. No I’m not. Already feeling the heat @@

    But as usual, I procrastinate all the way haha.

  21. Aristocrat: hahaha, everyone procastinates =P I’m just glad I’m finally graduating =)

  22. Graduating this semester? Sounds like fun then. But as usual the grass will be greener on the other side, no matter which side you are on.

    Have job offers started to pour in yet?

  23. Job offers? pour? not even a single drop. =(

  24. Pray that the rain gods will come in soon then. Or you can always become a writer of erotica/paid blogger/[insert writing job here].

  25. paid blogger sounds fun =P

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