100 Years in Solitude.

I hate people who judge me, so if you cannot provide an objective comment, then please just keep it to yourself.

Sometimes I feel myself drawing closer and closer into the little corner I feel so comfortable in and have to struggle to pull myself out of it just to socialise. Making friends, they called it. So I went out and I made friends according to the way they wanted me to. Smile and be nice, give hugs, listen to problems, laugh and cry.

And then the friends said they’d be there forever. They said they’d be there when I needed a hug, needed someone to laugh or cry with, just as I had done so with them. And they did.

But then time passed and we all grew apart. Secrets became secrets not to be shared. The emotional and psychological barrier grew even though on the facade it seems everything is okay. But you know they’re not, because they’re not as candid as they used to be, not as forthcoming.

So if we make friends only to lose them, and have to make friends all over again, why bother? Why do we involve ourself in this whole circle of forging closer bonds only to mercilessly break them, again and again and again? Do we not realise that often the people who have the ability to hurt the most are the ones who we hold closest and dearest to our hearts? Or is it because we realise it that we feel a need to break such bonds before they hurt us?

Is this the reason why people keep fleeting friendships close to them, choosing to just flit from person to person, whoever suits us most when the need arises? Is this also why people engage in casual sexual relations?

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11 Comments

  1. Yes and no.

    Yes, as in we keep flitting friendships sometimes if only to protect ourselves; but no, that’s not why we engage in casual sex…one is about protecting yourself, the other is plain lust unleashed.

    šŸ˜€

  2. your post hit too close to home and made me cry..

  3. Frenchcuffs: perhaps, but that being said, i suppose different people have different motivations for having casual sex with different people =)

    thalia: *hugs* šŸ™‚

  4. Friends made in the working world are almost never the same as friends made when you are all students.
    I think it does get a bit lonely when you grow up, especially for the ladies, when you don’t have a few friends made in more innocent circumstances to last you a lifetime. Or unless all your friends are friends that come with benefits, which end when the benefits end.
    Not sure what your hurting part means. But anyway, friends just like ourselves are not perfect. So, have a big heart, and enjoy life.

  5. We love ourselves.

    Yet we are the ones who hurt ourselves the most.

    Irony.

  6. Anyway and anyway, have you read the book “One Hundred Years of Solitude”?

  7. Maybe we can look from the perspective that different people come into our lives at different phases of our lives, and when time is up they will leave us. As we progress into the next chapter another few people will come into our lives and so on.

    I used to get emo and serious about such issues too until an older man whom i met told me to not take things so seriously and just enjoy the company as much as we can. As i got older i came to accept and realize that nothing is forever and the most we can do is just to live in the present and be grateful for that person’s friendship and company in that particular frame of time. =)

  8. Chaosm: yes I have, wonderful book ;P =) gabriel garcia marquez is a genius

    paradoxical: it depends, do you do it on purpose? to hurt yourself so you can feel some worth? sometimes we it is between the devil and the deep blue sea, do you love yourself too much to prevent yourself from loving, in the process, hurting yourself?

    we are all walking contradictions =)

    jollyshandy: that is indeed true, and on days i feel normal enough i tell myself, “let it go..because that’s what life is”. but on days i feel emo, i look back on the close friends i have, those who have been with me since my college days or my sec sch days, and i am blessed i have them by my side still. i look at those whom i let go off along the way, and sometimes wonder if i did the right thing.

    but then i suppose, everything happens for a reason. and letting go of the past means we can embrace the future. but at the same time, letting go of everything completely means that there is nothing to build the future on. =)

  9. flowers are beautiful because their beauty is transient. too much of anything is not very good (less sex, bj and money). maybe thats why flitting friendships appeal. there is little obligation to sustain it. what you seek is perhaps companions who understand you enough such that prolonged silence is neither awkward nor discomforting. you are able to pick up where you left off even though the absence may span years.
    ultimately, everyone thinks for themselves, be it consciously or subconsciously. unless you are masochistic, no one likes to be hurt. it takes courage to bring the wall down, but as with all investment, there are risks, and it depends on you whether to mitigate the risk and go for your returns of investment, or clam up and live on without deep seated emotional bonds.

  10. AL: ahh..sooo intellectual..=P

  11. human motives are two-fold; do what brings joy, happiness and pleasure and avoid what causes pain. that’s it. so if being friends brings pleasure or pain you will embrace or reject. personally i find it easier to rely on myself. i’m less complicated than anyone else i know.


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