Random Bites

Is it ever possible for someone to feel differently about something; that she can want to be with Person A for the rest of her life (ie: that she wants to marry him), and yet she can yearn and want to be with Person B?

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28 Comments

  1. It is said that men are not monogamous by nature.
    I hope it’s not true about women πŸ˜‰
    (sense the insecurity)

  2. Nah that’s just being weak.

  3. Isn’t that kind of like “I love BOY1 with all my heart and I always will, but I’m not “in love” with him anymore. I am “in love” with BOY2.”? Same crappy line you get handed when being let down easy …. just rip my heart out, hand it to me while it’s still beating and let me move on.

    Yeah I think it’s possible to think about others while being in love and being married to someone else. Unless it interferes with marriage. I’m married. Been married for 18 years. If Elizabeth Hurley knocked on my door tomorrow and wanted to screw my brains out I’d be hard pressed to say “No, but thanks anyways!” because in my mind she’s probably the most beautiful, sexy woman on the earth, but I’m married. That fantasy would interfere with my marriage. So my answer is always “No!”, no matter how many times she stops by each week and asks. After each one of her pitiful attempts the appeal of the idea fades a little more … now if my wife wanted to role play that she was Elizabeth Hurley … that’s a different matter. I’d have to go for it … πŸ™‚

  4. Yes. It happened to me. I loved both.

  5. Using Maslow’s theory, A satisfies Safety. B’s for Love/Belonging. else its simply because A is the person B never was and vice versa. sucks man.

  6. of course.

  7. Mr H: i don’t think men are not monogamous by nature, i mean, there are men who believe in monogamy too you know. same goes for women ;P

    LE: weak? well, maybe she cannot decide who she wants to be with, but perhaps there is just something that she cannot control? is it possible?

    lerxst: haha, good analogy, but that really is the difference between love and lust isn’t it? as compared to having romantic feelings for two people.

    Charlotte: how? i mean, how does a person actively love two people at the same time? isn’t it a little too tiring to be dividing your emotions among two people?

    AL: haha, I don’t know if Maslow would approve of that though. but i’d agree on the second point, that because no one is perfection, we find a little of what we like in different people. but again, given that situation, doesn’t this naturally mean that everyone would have to end up having romantic feelings for more than one person at any given time?

    tooth fairy: how?

  8. Now everyone is different, so you can love something about a person and another thing about another person. Moreover, there is no perfect person in the world, so it’s normal to have feelings for two different people at the same time.

    It’s not being weak or anything, it’s just being human.

  9. jess: which again brings me to ask, how the hell do you actively share your romantic affections for two people at the same time?

  10. maybe its our primordial subconscious at work. much as we like to deny it, i think buried deep in the recesses , its all about natural selection. attraction occurs because the other party offers something that can better the next generation. with the exception of penguins, most animals are polygamous no? so why not homo sapiens? only difference is we are constrained by moral, cultural and societal stereotypes.

  11. AL: i’d say that if lust and only lust is involved, yes polygamy is definitely possible. but what if you had to share your affections between two or more people, is that still possible? wouldn’t it wear you down as a person?

  12. True and deep affections given to more than 1 person would wear a normal person down. If one hasn’t chosen, there’s not much problem there. But once you choose, anyone would be hard pressed to maintain another. Think time spent, emotions invested, struggles within yourself constantly thinking of all the issues involved because it will affect you one way or the other.

    I didn’t mean weak in a derogatory way. For example.. Most of the successful men and women throughout history became such because they managed to control their emotions and urges well. They had a single leading lady or man behind them all the way, helping them to achieve such performance which is almost never matched by the common person. Bill Gates, PM Lee, Napoleon Hill, Hilary Clinton (her display of strength in standing by Mr Clinton publicly and even surpassing him at the moment) etc would be such persons.

    If those people above had to deal with the insecurity and many issues of a 3rd party constantly, they would never have reached or be able to stay in that position of power. Weakness defined as not being able to control your sex. I’ve liked more than one person before so I get what you mean. But once you decide to be with someone, constant reinforcing will strengthen your mind till one day you suddenly realise, hey I’m really happy with who I’m with right now. While the other person is a yearn, its just a sweet yearn that won’t happen because you chose only one to walk with you.

    Or in my own simple terms, its the difference when someone visits a hooker coz he’s too lazy to learn how to date lol. Rushing for time so just typed what came into mind.

  13. LE: lengthy indeed πŸ˜‰ but you’re right, esp the bit about reinforcing the idea. but hey, not everyone is that strong, isn’t it?

    some may argue that you are actually short changing yourself

  14. I totally agree with jess…

  15. see I’m a selfish bitch.. A long time back I’ve already decided that I’m the most important person in my life and I will always love myself, so any romantic involvements that I have really play second fiddle to my relationship with myself. And so, I have no problem with sharing my affections or maybe I just have 博爱精η₯ž :p

  16. Jeff: once again, how do you share your affections actively for two people at the same time?

  17. Jess: ah but you see, once you decide to be involved in a person, with any form of romance involved, you are invariably forming certain attachments to these people. sure, one can argue that you can reserve your attachments, pull back a little, so you don’t get too involved.

    but the fact is, if you are involved, you are invariably hooked. if the husband falls down, sprains his ankle *touch wood* surely you feel that little something?

    now imagine if two of the most important people to you, demand the same amount of affection, the same amount of energy from you. then what gives?

    i wouldn’t say that everyone is selfless when it comes to love and romance, but i’d say that everyone is selfish to a certain extent.

    but it all boils down to the fact that we’re human and we cannot help but form attachments to others. so, back to my original point and question, when that happens, what gives?

  18. so how? LPPL lor, that’s how… πŸ˜€

    i think we’ve all already ascertained the fact that the human heart is capable of loving… or at the very least, forming attachments to more than 1 person at any one time. But I really don’t know whether it’s really possible to love 2 pple equally as much. I agree that something has got to give if that really is the case, coz if there is no order of priority, then you’d always have to try and treat both (or more) parties equally, and that’s just really tiring.

    hmm…ok..so what’s the question and what’s my point again?

  19. …maybe that’s why it’s so freaking difficult for me to find anyone I even LIKE.

    I need to have the all-rolled-into-one before I can even begin to feel.

    *SIGH*

  20. You’ll give eventually. Lol. I deal with the leading ladies in my life often, thankfully they are of different stature and don’t require equal amounts of energy. Self interest usually comes first. So when we form attachments to others be it love or lust, something else will have to give, usually in the form of unfaithfulness, torn emotions and things along that line.

  21. tooth fairy: that loving 2 people can be tiring? its interesting because a friend of mine actually was once in a similar situation, and he did mention that he felt so tired trying to give to 2 people all at once, which led me wondering.

    sneexe: you do realise there will be no all-rolled-into-one right? which brings me to another question, how far will one go before a person would just “settle”?

    LE: haha, i seriously don’t know how to you manage to do it

  22. Hmm..yes. I do think the “act” of loving is tiring. Love, the feeling in itself, of course isn’t. But after the fireworks have died down, you need to go through the motions to convince, remind and reassure the other person that you are still in love with him/her, and THAT is tiring. Multiply by 2, and I think I’d rather go to sleep. And for the guilt-stricken, there is the added impetus to HAVE to multiply it by 2, so that you don’t feel too bad 😦

    I must also say that I’m not surprised by Liquid Ecstasy’s comment. It really is that much easier for men to compartmentalise their feelings. Self-interest = Number 1, and knowing where each women stand in their life. I just hope they are honest and brave enough to let the women know upfront.

  23. Yes I agree with what you say, its always the maintenance that takes up alot of time, effort and energy. =)

    As for men’s ability to compartmentalise their feelings, I don’t know. Say they can give 50% here and 50% there, but in the long run, wouldn’t it become something that what you already said?

    Most of the time, isn’t it their ability to difference between love and lust?

  24. Now once the hirerachy is being established, I’m very clear that I’m the top of the pecking order in my life, so when two equally important person demands the same from me, I will choose to do what I’m comfortable with and not what they want. Say A has a car and B doesn’t, I would definitely spend more time with A coz it’s more convenient for me.

    It sounds harsh but that’s the reality of my life, inevitably given a choice between someone who can love me more and someone who can provide more, I would choose the latter. Of course there are feelings involved, attachments will definitely be there, but the mind is rational and it knows what should give.

  25. Yes. It’s true. Their ability to clearly distinguish between love and lust.. Women should be better at that. Sigh.. oh well…

  26. Jess: hmm…perhaps =)

    Toothfairy: there is a way, conditioning =)

  27. Skye: How I do it? Self interest at a high level can be = No. 2. Being able to consider others interests as well = No. 1 because once they know you care, you’ll become their No. 1, thus you’ll be back at No. 1 and able to achieve more then putting your own interest at No. 1 straight away. Win-win situation/Synergy. I’m still selfish now n then haha.

    Tooth fairy I don’t compartmentalise my feelings that much, just that the leading ladies in my life are all literally of different stature – for example mom gf best female buddy etc etc πŸ˜‰

  28. LE: you’re losing me..


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