No money, no honey?

This song makes me hate it in a sappy love song sorta way, but at the same time the lyrics touched me in a small way, also because I like Delta Goodrem’s voice. Enjoy =)

In other updates though, I may be going on a semi-date this Saturday. There is however, a slight twist in this entire thing.

Remember how I was whining about Friends with Benefits? I think I may be on to something here with this guy, let’s call him B. We enjoy talking to each other, and we enjoy each other’s company, and this weekend we are going on a little shopping trip, and an overnight stay at his place is expected to be in the works, which would henceforth define our relationship towards the FwB bit. Which is not a bad thing for me of course, I get all the sex and all the good stuff that comes with being in a relationship with someone which includes shacking up with him occasionally at his place. Which is wonderful because we get all the privacy we want – he lives alone in an apartment near town. I not only get to enjoy all the physical and material benefits but also avoid the emotional downsides of being in a proper relationship. At this point, it all sounds like the perfect situation I can get in. But of course, knowing myself, perfect isn’t always perfect.

I’m getting ahead of myself here, because it all really depends on the semi-date happening on Saturday, if there isn’t any chemistry in bed, I suppose we would just go back to being friends. Not that it is a bad thing, because B really is a nice person to hang out with and talk to, and I suppose given our age difference it is really rare to come by. For him, at least.

Not that he’s alot older than me, and not that I have been attracting older men. Although, I must admit, that somewhere along the way I found myself meeting older men more than I have been meeting men my age.

At the same time, B has also gotten ahead of himself by asking if I’d like to join him on a short weekend holiday towards the end of the month. I suppose though, that even if we don’t work out at FwBs, I could still go with him on the holiday as a friend. All expenses paid, of course.

I have been reminded though, that this whole arrangement would possibly put me in a position that makes him a sugardaddy of sorts. I don’t know if this compromises my position or stature in this possible relationship, but would it be such a bad thing?

Here’s something to think about I suppose.

If a guy is willing to enter into a FwB relationship with a girl, and he offers to pay for her expenses when they are out together simply because he can and he wants to, does this make the girl somewhat obliged to repay him on physical terms? Does this make her a prostitute of sorts because she is exchanging her time and perhaps body in return for him paying for her expenses when they are together? There is no actual exchange of money involved because he doesn’t give her spending money. When she is out with her friends or alone she still pays for her own, but when she is out with him, he offers to pay for every single thing.

So what does that make her? And how does that define the relationship between the two of them?

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19 Comments

  1. tat is a very good question..which i think everyone is thinking of an answer..i don think there is a fix answer to that question..some people may think that make the guy a sugardaddy but may think that is a juz a normal relationship with both party willing to do whatever they wish to do..in a nut shell all depend on what the couple think it is..at ;east that is what i think..

  2. that’s murky waters with no defining lines.

    Maybe either you keep asking yourself that question and checking the emotional balance to stay grounded, or you decide to fergeddaboudit and get jaded.

  3. Then how like that? Pay and men make women feel like sluts. Don’t pay, and women think men are stingy. How, how how?

    LOL

    Anyway, I hope the trip to *you know where* will be fun! Remember to buy a t-shirt for me hor.

  4. damn i want a sugar mummy…

  5. I must be a traditionalist. I’ve never quite understood the whole FwB arrangement. How is it ever possible to be both friends and ummm.. pple who fuck? The end point of sex becomes overwhelming..and each time you meet, wldn’t there be an expectation that you guys hv sex? So is it possible to meet and NOT want sex? Will the other party still be interested in just meeting up for coffee?

    Sorry..digression…so obviously not the point of your entry.

  6. sneexe: hmmm, true, that’s one way of looking at it i suppose, and i would also suppose that’s the way i’d look at it hahaha…

    mykel: women hard to fathom, men too!!

    mark: hahaha…

    tooth fairy: hmmmm, yeah i get what you mean, and i often wonder about that too, but i suppose sometimes two people may not want to have sex?

  7. Regarding the questions in the last two paragraphs:
    – No
    – No
    – Potential girlfriend? Either that or potential kept woman…
    – It’s defined by money, to some degree, which is always a bad thing

    I don’t think it’s possible for any guy to pay for all expenses without wanting to get something back, and for most guys, it’s usually physical. Didn’t you see When Harry Met Sally? “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always get in the way…”

    If the guy (or the girl for that matter) only pays for things once in a while, and they take turns to cover costs, then things can be more comfortable. But if one party is always paying, then there are bound to be expectations, like it or not. To think otherwise is to be naive…

    Of course, maybe you’ve found an atypical guy. From my experience, those guys don’t really exist.

  8. tooth fairy: absolutely spot on observation. Sigh. Human nature 😦

    mykel: Sounds like Catch 22 πŸ™‚ but it isn’t, actually. There’s a certain rare chemistry or situation where the man pays and it feels amazingly liberating / warm&fuzzy / undemanding / right. I wish I could explain it better.

    skye: …but is there ever any sometimes where two people may not want to have sex?

  9. Finally free to check out your blog. And I see this post. Hmmm…

    If you really decide to get into a relationship with this guy, with him paying everything, then I hope you have a… what you call it…. strong personality? If you decide to let him spend money on you, then he and you (yes, you too) must know you are not obligated to him. I always believe that self-worth is very important.

    One problem hanging out with older guys, with money to spend, is you tend to grow up too fast. It’s no fun growing up fast. You miss out on the stupid fun things. And you have to juggle with many issues inside your head to really enjoy what you are doing.
    I like being young. That’s why ‘m 14 years old. Heh.

    I don’t really know you, and I don’t know this Mr. B, so I can’t and shan’t comment much. But I will be interested to know your thoughts and feelings hanging out with him, especially during the trip.
    And if you don’t mind, I may even steal part of your soul here for use in my writing. πŸ™‚

  10. TKS: true..true..

    sneexe: haha, i don’t know, maybe? ask mykel! =P

    chaosm: nah mr B and I are just friends, and i suppose if he does want to pay for everything, there should be a line drawn, i don’t believe that anyone should pay for my time, especially if i’m spending time with someone to keep him/her company all the time. my time is precious but its not cheap either..=)

    in any case, i think older men often choose who they want to hang out with, and when a girl is so much younger an older man would be attracted only if she is of a certain maturity? i don’t know, thats what i gather from alot of my male friends who are older..so maybe you can gain som einsight when you get older!! haha..

    well you sure can borrow my soul, but it’ll cost ya haha..

  11. TKS: awfully mercenary… Why do you think that it has to be “physical”? Not disagreeing that when either party pays their own, there’s no ‘expectations’ – perfectly correct, but I think that’s more something you have to maintain between normal friends. In a relationship, or a close friendship approaching a relationship, there are different expectations / rules that have to do with taking care of each other in different ways. And aside: men still earn more on average than women anyway.

    skye: wah, so mercenary also… selling soul πŸ™‚ ps: I realised later that Milo wasn’t Africa… it’s South America… :p *splat* Great geography we modern ASEAN females have. *LOL*

    mykel: …alright, since skye said ask u- is there ever any sometimes when 2 ppl may not want to have sex?

  12. Africa is the one that says “need help with inheritance” lol!

    I think TKS is true to the extent that, whenever a guy pays and pays for a girl, he always expects something in return. Even in a proper relationship, would any guy keep paying for his girlfriend and not expect anything in return? I seriously doubt so. Perhaps the only exception here is between friends. My guy friends buy me dinner sometimes, and I do the same for them, and I suppose in that sense its just about being friends, thats all.

  13. On hindsight, I think what has turned out to be an innocent question has thrown out alot of perspectives I have never considered (or too lazy to), suddenly I’m inspired to write a post..haha..

  14. Haha.. can there be a time when 2 people might not want to have sex? Is there even an answer to such a qn? If there were…I really think it is a “NO”.

    Unless….and I might get stoned for being shallow…either party suffers from a really serious physical deformity, or extreme case of BO/bad breath, or has severe acne problems or is super duper hairy (actually, that might just appeal to some folks though :D)

  15. Haha, I don’t know. Would there be a time when both parties just want to hang out with each other without the sex? I mean, it doesn’t have to be anything physically damaging since both people have already crossed the line from friendship to FwB, and sneexe made a good point; since the line has already been crossed, then you tend to see each other differently, so everytime you see each other you end up wanting to have sex with each other.

    I suppose sometimes, instead of wanting to have sex, you just need some company, hanging out together, having a decent conversation or just cuddle. I have had male friends (interestingly only the older men say this) that sometimes instead of sex they just want to spend some time with a woman they find attractive enough to want to fuck, and yet at the same time able to hold a proper in-depth conversation with them. Sometimes they just want sex, but there are also times when all they want to do is to hang out and, talk.

    Am I making any sense here?

  16. the level of sexual desire between two people is usually different, which would be the main cause of all the complications mentioned above. if they both really wanted to, or really wanted not to, then the question of money would probably be moot.

  17. Phine: to some women, money is a motivating factor. some of us are turned on by brains, some turned on by the sight of a muscular men. some are turned on by tight buns, firm tits. others are turned on by power, some by money.

    following this logic then, if a woman is turned on by money, or by a man with money, then it contributes to the level of sexual desire too, doesn’t it?

  18. Thanks for that little bit of your soul. So what do you want me to pay you? Hah. A blessing of good luck maybe? I’m quite a lucky person . πŸ™‚

    Anyway, you must be very clear what you want out of this relationship. If you ever start enjoying the part of him paying things for you more than enjoying his company, you must start insisting on paying for your own share. It’s really quite easy to get comfortable with a sugardaddy.
    How people judge you is not really that important. But how you judge yourself about this relationship, maybe 10 years from now, is important.

    Anyway, and anyway, you seem a sensible person. πŸ™‚
    So pay you some luck for your bit of soul.

  19. thanks for the luck, i really need it =)


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