If there’s anything fundamentally wrong with my morals, it has to be the fact that I probably could never settle for anything less, or anything for that matter. I think I might have relationship ADD. For me to really be with one person for an extended period of time, he better have something good going on for him.

Which, I suppose, would explain why, to the bewilderment of Mr Minister of Speed, I could go through so many men in such a short span of time.

But it doesn’t mean that that I don’t support the entire notion of marriage of life-long commitment. Fine, marriage is a social construct. But when I say marriage, what I really mean is this idea of wanting to spend your entire life with this person, and this person only, in terms of physical, emotional and spiritual connection. Marriage, to me, does not mean that you have to get yourselves formally certified as man or wife, or something pronounced by the pastor in church. You don’t even need rings on your ring finger to signify that you’re married. Marriage is really a union of the mind, body and soul that cannot really be defined by a piece of paper saying that you’re married, or your finger jewellery.

Which is why I probably wouldn’t want to get myself hitched for a while to come. I cannot imagine myself being tied down to one person, and most importantly, given my OCD nature, I doubt I’d ever meet someone whom I’d be able to connect so strongly with AND want to spend the next 40 years with him.

Some would say that, hey, I could always sleep around when I’m married, have an open relationship. I know people who do that too, for various reasons. But at the end of the day, it’s the very fact that it is an open relationship – both parties agree to sleep with other people, that matters.

For certain reasons still unknown to myself, I cannot stand having to sneak around, sleeping with other people when I am married. I mean, if I ever wanted to do something that like (sleep around), why should I even get married in the first place? To get that elusive HDB flat? Screw it, I can buy one for myself if I’m still a single 30-something, so why bother getting married just to do it? Obligation? If you had to be obligated to get married, then something is fundamentally wrong in your relationship with each other, isn’t it?

If I ever wanted to continue sleeping with other people, and save part of my feelings and romantic love for another man, I’d never want to get married. If marriage is a conscious commitment, then shouldn’t this commitment be 100% and binding upon both parties?



  1. Totally off-topic, because I haven’t read the entry yet (rushing essay you see). But if you are still ordering books from Amazon, let me know. I may need to hitch a ride on your order.

  2. Aristocrat: yep but I’m still consolidating orders here and there, you may have to wait another week though

  3. so true skye.. so true.. its hypocritical to sleep around while married. just dont get in the first place!

  4. I’m made with emptiness in my hand. I’ve tried holding the hands of many. And I think I’ve found another with the same emptiness in her hand. Someone to share my solitude. I think I’m simple. That’s almost all I need for companionship. And then you start to learn how to love her more. And she start to learn to love you more. It didn’t come like magic. It came with listening, and talking, and doing the loving.
    The craving’s still there of course. It’s an appetite. I built it up big once. It is diminishing now. You keep your taste simple and the appetite’s under control. “Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another”.
    And of course I still do my wandering, in a safe way. That’s why I’m here. And at some other places too. Just waiting for age to mellow my taste some more. Maybe one day, I will disappear.

  5. MOS: =)

    Chaosm: You need to learn to speak English. *laugh* I don’t know, I suppose different people of varying ages have different takes on marriage. I ought to be the last person in the whole wide world to suggest this but, shouldn’t there be some moral standard when it comes to marriage? Or did I just get lost?

  6. Ahahaha. I’m just rambling. Some days, I just don’t understand what I’m writing a few days ago. So, hahaha.

  7. haha =P

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