I am not emo.

You know how when you are young, and you listen to certain songs on the radio, and you like it so much because it sounds nice?

And then you get a little older and start to realise what its like to develop crushes, how it feels to like someone and not have him like you back. You listen to sappy love songs on radio and you feel like you could be the protagonists in the songs?

Fast forward 10 years. Or more for you older ones.

The songs that remind you of your teenage years come on radio. You flashback to those days of crushes and unrequited puppy love. Then it also reminds of you the lovers who have passed you by. Not the ones of your silly schoolgirl crushes, but those made when you got older. The ones who wanted to stay around long enough to talk about forever, and mean it. The ones whom you dreamed of going on that getaway with, and you know your parents would never object. The ones who stayed over at your place once too often. The ones whom you talked about your dream wedding with, the honeymoon, and the perfect life after.

You would take long walks with him, by the river after your dinner dates. He would wrap his arms around when you you felt cold in the cinema, who would give you his jacket because you left yours at home in a hurry. He would hold your hand while you crossed the road because you were too afraid to jaywalk, and he promised to hold your hand forever. He would dance with you in the rain even though he thought it was silly. He would make the trip from Jurong West to Pasir Ris to hand you flowers and apologise for making you angry, even though he had to make the trip in a cab with the last $50 in his pocket.

He was like every other. The ones who seemed so right at that point in time, but whom you realised were so wrong after the fireworks faded.

When the songs come on radio on a Sunday afternoon spent lazing around, you remember the ones.

They were not quite like your puppy love crushes when you were a teenaged schoolgirl. You know because when the songs that remind me of them come on radio, you feel a sense of nostalgia and laugh inwardly at how silly you were. But if the same song plays and you think of the ones, you feel a small stab somewhere in the deepest regions of your soul, you feel a sense of longing for what you once had and lost.

Then, feeling alone again, you wonder when the next one will come by.

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16 Comments

  1. you are damned right!

  2. gab: =)

  3. Lovely exposition there… & of course, it’s not hard to second it at all.

  4. Aristocrat: i suppose everyone has been through that at one point or another..=)

  5. you gotta be kidding. how come when i click to comment, your blog’s layout changes???

    anyway, you’re a retrogressive emo.

  6. mark: cause i’m in the process of changing my layout! *laugh*

    wtf is a retrogressive emo?

  7. you look back into the history of your love life, wondering about all the ‘what ifs’ and unrequited love and wished you’d done things differently but when the realisation that you can’t change the past sinks in, your heart suddenly feels ponderous, followed by that feeling like someone just stabbed your heart with a knife, you want to cry but you can’t, you just don’t know why and suddenly you snap back to reality and resume reading the god-damn boring coursepack, to say the very least.

  8. That. is a retrogressive emo.

  9. mark: eh, my coursepack not boring, ok? =P

    you sound like you are talking about yourself more than you’re describing a retrogressive emo! lol…=P

    anyway i try to stay away from my coursepack, after i discovered the wonder that is WIKIPEDIA!

  10. I’m describing a retrogressive emo from a first person perspective mah.

    Anyway, wikipedia cannot substitute my sexuality coursepack. Not that its interesting at all.

  11. wiki is information laid. i got addicted to it once too.. 😉

    lovely post here. totally can identify with it.. much as i just closed a chapter in my life. and it sure is tough with everything so raw.

  12. i know a friend who, instead of studying, edits wiki pages in the form of “revision”, and he actually gets As still. =P

  13. i was actually gonna write about unrequited feelings
    I just saw The holiday like sunday night.. lol
    it starts of telling you about unrequited love.. and i felt semi-inspired
    but you beat me to the punch =P

    and …

    poignant..
    I can relate.

  14. Dang. I might just try that next sem.

  15. Dylan: heh =)

    Mark: haha maybe =P

  16. Oh wait. Yes, I have. I’m sorry, but I just don’t have it in me right now to type it all out again. Besides, it was just ramblings anyway. You didn’t want to hear me go on and on about this, right?


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