Not again.

One thing I can’t stand about other people is that they have bad English. I know how awfully elitist I sound here, but if you must use English in writing to communicate with other people, shouldn’t you at least make the effort to correct it for grammar and spelling? I mean, I’m not talking about the use of flowery language or bombastic words here (oh, how my English teacher in Primary school would’ve loved for us to do), but if your command of the language is not good, then I suppose you can’t really impress much, can you?

Oh, and subject matter is very important.  Something I got in my mail just irked me enough to write this post, simply because it isn’t the first.

Here it is:

For me a perfect Friday night is looking for adventure-and finding it. Settling down in a cosy bar, feeling the atmosphere, with some alcohol slipping through our mind, making it even more perfect & high.
> hi…just wanna make more friens over here… so tell mi more abt urself…
> as for mi i like to club drinks and dance, love sports, swimming where i can tanned myself and all ball sports, and chil out relax…really kinda of interested to try out new stuff over here, to gain out all the experiences, hopefully both of us can learn and teach each other….
> May i had the honour to laid on yoU, the pinky nipples give mi the urges to lickle all over you…
> foreplay will definately turns mi on, locking tougue, turning around tossing in the bed, the warm tougue of mine and urs really melts and wets…
> u have contact,msn email or hp no, mind to give, hear from you sooN

The above is in its pure, unadulterated form and I’ve done nothing to alter the spelling, form, structure or anything.

I seriously have no freaking idea what he was trying to say, PINKY nipples? LICKLE? Oh man, I’ve heard of suckle, and they always remind me of piglets drinking milk from their mother, but lickle?!? That’s something new.

Oh, and you know how when you forward or reply emails, it always gets indented by the “>”? Note how these were present in his email even though it was his first email to me. I mean,  if you write a email to a person, why would anyone insert “>” in between his lines right?

Someone call the language police.



  1. In the words of my creative writing professor:

    “Please, i beg of u, unless you’re Prince, avoid ‘cuz’ and other popular abbreviations. Yeah, I’m cool and hip, but deep within this breast beats the heart of an English geek.”

  2. Haha, well at least your Professor has a sense of humour =)

  3. lickle … a cross between lick and tickle?

    that could be fun! 🙂

  4. I’ve seen worse, frankly. But it’s kind of like a cheer-me-up when I see “lickle” and “the warm tougue of mine and urs really melts and wets…”

    Very funny! Great stuff. I love unaltered messages. Makes it more raw and when the reality of it hits you like a sucker punch, it’s even more memorable.

    Lickle me timber!!!

  5. lerxst: ha ha, i’m glad you found it funny. 😉

    Storyteller: actually, I’ve seen worse too, but this just came at a time which I was ticked off enough to actually blog about it. Of course, the stuff I post here isn’t as great as what you have on your blog. =) I’m waiting for Chapter 2!

  6. wah.. his england so powder..
    mi jeles!

  7. Dylan: mwahaha..

  8. sorry but i couldn’t help sniggering to myself whilst was reading the post. look at it this way, sometimes u need people like these to crack u up after a shitty day of whatever. so cheerio ^^

  9. i know of a gay guy who has bad english too. he likes Fiancee and the fact that she’s ‘Irreplaceable’. he thinks that if he was a woman, he would be a ‘lymphomaniac’, prolly having a lot of sex while surviving a bout of breast cancer. and the worst of his attempts at a colorful vocabulary: ‘transversepipe’. i’m thinking it’s in relation to men who try to fit themselves into tubetops.

    ugh. the bane of english in singapore.

  10. passerby a: bleahh

    jon: FIANCEE? LYMPHOMANIAC?? nasty shit man…hahahahahaha..

  11. Oh no, it’s Lickle Me Etmo.

    You got to give the guy some credit for his “train of thought” prose style, even if it sometimes reveals exactly what he’s thinking of, and exactly how he’s thinking about it…

  12. wahaha Lickle me Etmo!!

    the part that cracked me up the most was..”may i had the honour to laid on you..” no freaking idea what he was saying!

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