Somewhere along my life, my mind has somehow been trained to not detect any signs of real romantic interest from guys. In short, I am dense when it comes to guys who are interested in me, UNLESS they profess it explicitly.

I’m not kidding, it’s happened three times in my entire life. On two of these occassions I was just happily oblivious of the fact that these guys hung out with me because they were romantically interested in me. I happily revelled in their company because I enjoyed hanging out with them as friends, and I thought they felt the same.

Oh how wrong I could be.

The first time was when I was 16, still innocent and naive and starting Secondary 4. J was a senior, introduced to me because he was the ex-boyfriend of my very good friend. Yes, how complicated. Anyway, after they broke up, I continued talking to J, and eventually we got closer and started hanging out. It was all a very innocent friendship kinda thing, we would talk on the phone, hang out in school, hang out after school. I enjoyed having him around because he was so easy to talk (gossip) with, and he made me laugh.

Ok wait, everyone makes me laugh, but that’s besides the point.

So all this oblivion carried on for about 9 full months before J, out of exasperation I suppose, declared on the phone one day, “I really like you”. My jaw dropped, and I went “Huh?” Yes, what a witty comeback. Then I went on to explain how 1) I wasn’t ready for a relationship, 2) I saw him as a friend, and only a friend, and all this while I thought he felt the same. I tried to convince him that no matter how hard he tried, I would only see him as “just a friend” because I really couldn’t picture him as anything more, he refused to give up and I explained that it would be futile. So we remained good friends until one day he threatened to pop 20 Panadols if I didn’t want to be his girlfriend. Everyone now, WHAT THE FUCK? That was the last straw. I gave him a piece of my mind and never saw him again.

A couple of months later, he called, and explained that he was out of a job, and was very broke trying to support himself through school and also his jobless mother. Of all things, he asked me for a loan of $20. Yes, $20, I loaned it to him anyway.

It’s been 10 years, and he still owes me that $20.

The second one was a couple of years later. He was a friend of a friend who was originally interested in said friend. When we got introduced he was funny, and nice, in a really brotherly kinda way. We started talking everyday, hung out occassionally, and he even got himself acquainted with my sister. This went on for a couple of months before he told me he was interested in me. Me, being the super duper dense person that I am when it came to such things, brushed it off as a joke. 6 months later I got attached, and I realised he really meant it. Funny how I never really tried to tell him that I wasn’t interested in him that way. Perhaps because I felt he would eventually get over it. 3 years down the road, he (apparently) is still interested, and has mentioned on more than one occassion that he would wait until I was single and then try again.

Of course, me being the ever so dense and happily oblivious in la la land person, took it lightly. The last time I spoke to him, I was supposed to meet him for dinner a couple of days before Chinese New Year but I cancelled on him, for a very frivilous reason.

So yes, I am very dense when it comes to matters of such nature.



  1. pfft

  2. Densed?
    or the type that don’t fall in love easily?

  3. dylan: whaaat?

    gab: dense, as in happily oblivious to the fact that he is interested even though we hang out so often kind of dense.

  4. dense.. as in more mass per unit volume too?? :p

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