You want what you can’t have.

I bumped into a really old friend on the way to lunch, we had known each other since our secondary school days, and even though our schools were stretched halfway across the island from each other, we were pretty close friends. Mind you, when I say close friends with guys who came from my secondary school days, they really just treated me as just another “brother”.

Anyway, Really Old Friend, is cute. I mean, he’s been cute since I’ve known him like, forever. He has this really good friend who is cute too. Both of them are so cute they literally “killed” many of my female friends who hung out with me when I hang out with them. That’s how cute they are.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have any interested in Really Old Friend and his good friend back then, and I sure as hell don’t have any now. I mean, how the hell do you have interest for someone you know his darkest secrets of? Very difficult. But the thing is, Really Old Friend is so cute that sometimes even I have difficulty concentrating on speaking to him whenever we bump into each other nowadays. Plus, he’s attached, although that is a non-determining factor.

Anyway, the point is, after bumping into Really Old Friend, I found myself sighing a sigh of wistfulness. Like I said, not that I was interested in him, but it made me realise that if the Me of the present (sorry for the awkward phrasing), would have met him 10 years ago, and not the Me of the past, then I suppose things would have been a little different. I realise he might have been the kind of guy that I’ll either fall for, or I want so badly.

And then I realise, it’s so ironic that it’s always what you want that you can’t have.

Or, you always can’t have what you want, whatever works better for you.

And it’s always been the case for me since, forever. It’s always that DKNY dress that I know I can’t have, the Guess what I shouldn’t really lay my hands on, that boy in the next class I shouldn’t even have started talking to.

Because, when you start having what you want, then it takes the thrill out of wanting it in the first place, doesn’t it?

And then when you get what you want, it suddenly doesn’t become as desirable anymore.

And as we all know it, desires come and go, they get replaced by other desires, other new things, new people. So why bother wasting time on saving up to get that dress, that watch, wasting time trying to get the attention on that boy?

Because we all like the thrill of obtaining it. But do you even see the irony of it all?

Oh, in response to some emails I’ve been getting, there might be more pictures on the way, depending on how adventurous I feel.

Remember what I said in the previous post about wanting to date nice, intellectual men who can engage in a meaningful conversation?

I really meant it.


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