I just learned that a classmate of mine was married. Married as in already been to ROM, said “I do”, exchanged rings, officially Mrs XXX. Married as in already moved in together, buying a house together.

As married as married couples are.

Which, again, got me thinking, she’s a year younger than me, and already married.

That must’ve been a huge step to make. At the age of 22 there are still so many things to see, to do, people to meet, places to go.

Being married means there’s no way she could change her mind. Of course, there’s always divorce but it defeats the purpose of getting married in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I disagree with getting married. In fact, as much as I don’t see myself getting married in the near fture, there is this small part of me that wishes, someday, somehow, I’d be able to sink into perfectly wedded bliss with whoever is unlucky enough to be my husband.

I fear marriage, I fear that it’d take away my freedom, my identity, my life.

Most of all, I fear that I’m unable to be faithful to my husband (which was why I mentioned “unlucky”, geddit?).

Because, why get married if I can’t commit, right? It’ll be unfair, to both parties.

But somewhere, deep down inside, there is still a little part of me that wants to enjoy being called Mrs XXX, to live in a small place I can truly call my own, and to share my life’s ups and downs with someone special.

Forgive me, it’s just this perfect little scenario that I’ve conjured, being a work-at-home person, or a “housewife”, sitting by the balcony in a armchair in a cosy little apartment in suburban Singapore, overlooking the pool, enjoying a glass of wine/coffee/insert random drink here, and reading some Time/Asiaweek/IHT/insert random book name here, just enjoying the tranquilities of life, with a cat/dog by my feet, awaiting the return of my husband so that we can go on a wonderful dinner on one of those special “date” nights we set aside for each other.

And of course, admiring that perfect 1 carat rock on my left ring finger, being contented with where I am in life, and who I am.

Perfect, just perfect.



  1. I too am terrified of marriage. I don’t want to marry early. I want to live my own life, grow, have more than two serious relationships under my belt, etc.

    But I think I am even more terrified of being one of those 36 year olds who aren’t married. Or worse yet, a 40 year old never-married woman.

    When I try to think about the right age to get married, I can’t come up with anything. 29 is still too early, 30 is too late.

  2. I guess its because marriage is about 2 different lifestyle becoming one that makes it seem so frightening to you. You still want to retain your current lifestyle and yet you want to spend your time with the one you love. Guess this is where both will have to compromise.

    Then again, you can always live together without going to ROM or getting married to enjoy the so called marital bliss. To each his own i guess.

  3. V>> my sentiments exactly..haha

    SI>> well at the end of the day, whether or not you make it official, once you decide to make the commitment to live together, it’s very hard to turn either way it’s a commtment made

  4. Hmmm… Marriage… a sacred and wonderful union of different lives joining together as one is something one ought to look forward to…

    Want to make it a hell or heaven on earth… it’s all up to two individual… How much they are willing to give in to one another and give up their old lifestyle to a new lifestyle.

    Change is a constant in life. If you cannot deal with change in life, you would never have lived as everything changes. Even in our thoughts and daily event life…

    Gosh… I guess I am starting to preach now… I guess I ought to stop…

  5. I have the same fears as you, not to mention the divorce rate, amount of affairs, careers we want, places to see, etc. It doesn’t help that most of the people I’ve known are divorced or in multiple marriages. One is on her 4th.

    I don’t need paper and rings to validate a relationship, but finding the right person to commit to on that level is daunting. You have to ask yourself what you really need. I’m sure if the right person comes along, you have it in you to turn fantasy into reality. Otherwise, don’t sweat it as long as you’re not living with an agonizing void.

    Too many people have a utopian notion of marriage.

  6. speaking of dumb..
    i have these 2 friends..
    whom i really won’t regard as friends..
    but i do not have a choice here..

    my “friend” – 22
    No aim after he finished his ns..
    i asked him what he wanted to do in future..
    he said no idea..
    i asked..don’t tell me you gonna work for others for life?!
    he said maybe..

    he’s with his attitude girl for 5 years?
    he’s hen-peck..
    he never dared to have sex till after 2 years..
    he stones like fuck..
    Daily routine –
    “Work , after work fetch girlfriend go eat ,
    send girl back , go home stone and talk to girl ,
    hangs up , shower , maple story , sleep”
    Weekends : – roam about what kids would dream off
    he told me when he had sex..
    his girl bled..
    he got afraid..
    he wiped the blood..
    they went to sleep..

    i mean..
    there’s nothing wrong with that..
    he doesn’t watch porn..
    doesn’t masturbate for years..(do not ask me why i know this and no..i did not have sex with him..)
    he was my landlord of 2 years

    i mean…
    is he gay!?
    i was worried..
    or maybe he just hasn’t grown..

    and his girl is 20..

    they are engaged..

  7. get into a marriage only if you’re ready 😉

    anyway NO ONE can beat me for the age thing. I think among all, i’m still the youngest to get hitched rite 😛

  8. I hope I’m wrong, but to me marriage is about settling down and moving on to the next phase of life.

    It adds meaning. I think having children adds meaning to alot of things that you ]do/hate to do] in life.

    Sorry. I’m ridiculously young to think of these and being male makes it even worse. [It’s hard to admit this to my male friends] Still, when I see some of my friends my age (mind you, they are very bright and successful) already having children, a tinge of envy overwhelms me.

  9. addtionally: youngest at that time. hahahahahaha

  10. mik>> well said..=)

    Wolf>> he’s just innocent..haha..i know someone who’s like that too..=P

    spinnee>> hahaha…=P

    kelvin>> hmmm…well i know people who are still in university and already saving up for wise i mean..=P

  11. I have the same perfect little scenario.. If only life can be so good.. if only..

  12. Jess>>> why not? =)

  13. Don’t a quarter of all marriages these days end up in divorce? Seems higher than that sometimes.

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