Deep, restful sleep.

Is really what I crave for nowadays. Of course, it doesn’t ever happen. With all the mounting stress from school and everybody else, it is just hard to keep my mind off everything and just, sleep.

Like everyone else, there are things I’m never happy with myself, and I think the biggest problems with me is that 1) I think too much, 2) I never like to wear my heart on my sleeve.

It’s really problem no. 2 that I always find it hard to contend with. I mean, hey, it protects me from alot of things, most importantly from being hurt and hence loading myself with unnecessary stress, which really, I don’t need much in my life. But the problem with that is, when I find myself hiding all my thoughts and emotions, I appear stronger than I really am.

I was having a conversation with one of my ex-flings (surprise, surprise!) and I am always amazed how, after so long, he still remembers, everything, and how, I am reminded of myself.

To everyone else, I will always be that complicated, self-contradicting young woman you know and fell in love with, the one who told you, so cruelly, that it was all just a game, because you wanted me to play it, remember?

And I’ll always be the one who dares tell you what the hell is going on wrong in your life, because I’m the only one who dares tell you so. I’ll be the one who tells you to wake-up-your-fucking-idea because the world does not evolve around you and it does not have to.

And I’ll always be the one who would gladly play mind games with you, to fuck you up mentally and physically, and then put on my clothes and leave.

Why? Because you’re so worth the effort.

At the end of the day, I’ll be that person you want me to be, and then be more than you ever bargained for.

But after all that, just remember, that I’m human too.

But I’ll never fall in love with you.


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