Falling

I believe I made a point earlier about how certain songs never fail to remind me of certain events in my life, or certain people even (I’m too lazy to do a trackback and link that original post back here). There’s this particular song by N’Sync (yes I know, boyband, shoot me) which always reminded me of B, my first boyfriend.

B was like a dream come true for most girls, rich, handsome, wonderfully sweet. He used the most ingenious ways to attract my attention because then, I didn’t want to get into a relationship, much less a long-distance one. Yeah, B lived in Australia, and the only reason we got to meet was through another friend. He was in Singapore for a short holiday and attended one of our school functions because he was invited by our friend, H. That was when he saw me and decided he was well, falling.

And so the three month long courtship began, he was nice and very funny and I think we hit it off pretty well, but the fact that he lives in Australia was the barrier between us and I never really got around to accepting him because of that. But well, being young, impressionable and silly, friends eventually managed to convince myself to give each other a chance.

What a mistake that was.

After a month of being together, we started arguing, on a daily basis, through the internet and over the phone. He promised he would visit but time and again he would make excuses not to come. Eventually, he stopped calling altogether and the only way we communicated (in argument) was through the internet. So not a very good way to maintain a relationship. A month and a half later, I decided that enough was enough and I called it quits.

Anyway, the point of that entire story is that, everytime I heard this song by N’Sync, it’d made me think of him. Not of the times when we argued, not the broken promises, not anything. But how I fell, and fell hard. In fact I would say that it was the one and only time I ever felt like I was falling, and there was someone there to catch my fall (pardon the cliche), albeit for a short moment. But in retrospect it really was good because it was just so full of innocence, and hopes and dreams.

Shouldn’t that be the way falling in love ought to be? To fall and fall hard, regardless of whether at the end of the day, you fall into someone’s arms, or you hit the ground?

I think people become cynical because we’re afraid of hitting the ground. Because we know that there is always a 50% chance that it would happen. We dismiss the idea of romance and love simply because we’re too afraid, because we forgot how it feels to feel like this, because we’re holding back.

And maybe, just maybe, we should learn, for at least once more in our lives, to learn to let go, and to fall.

Maybe, in order for you to save me, you shouldn’t be there to catch me. Maybe I need to learn to fall all over again.

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1 Comment

  1. I agree. Wholeheartedly. Fall hard, no matter where you land. I haven’t fallen since my high school boyfriend, almost four years ago. Each night I lay awake wishing I could meet someone who could make me fall that hard again.


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