Larger than Life (warning: long post ahead)

Sometimes I wonder if this entire blogging thing has totally spun bigger than I had expected it. I mean, when I first started this blog, it was all for my own entertainment purposes. There would always be that day when we all start to grow old and start to forget things right? That’s when blogs and written journals even come in handy, to remind us of the lives we have led, the best and not-so-good memories.

But then it grew, and grew, and grew. This blog has opened up alot of opportunities for me to meet new people, among other things. But I’m beginning to wonder if its a good thing, afterall, there’s only so much a girl can take.

Yes, perhaps this is getting too much for me to handle.

But on the other hand, living a life like mine has its perks, and I do enjoy it, it really is about opening up opportunities and more choices for myself. Afterall, I’ve made it pretty clear to The Boyfriend that he is free to see whoever he likes, but just for god’s sake be safe and discreet about it. Afterall, what I don’t know won’t hurt me.

But still, whatever has its perks has to come with downsides, and I feel like I’m wearing down physically and mentally. So maybe Alpha Ego is right, studies first, sex later. Haha.

I’m also beginning to wonder if the guilt is secretly piling up when all these while I’m enjoying life. Why? Well, I have a female friend, P. P recently got out of a relationship because both parties didn’t feel like they had time for each other. Bad excuse I know, but hey, whatever rocks their boat.

Anyway, P was saying that she had not enough time for herself nor her boyfriend. But lately it seems that P has been pretty active in terms of her social life, you know, heading out for suppers/dinners with her friends and stuff.

Well, you could say that now that she has one less commitment in her life she is free to do pretty much whatever else she couldn’t have done then. But then she is still pretty much complaining about having not enough time or whatever.

Anyway, that wasn’t the point.

The point is that there is just this nagging feeling at the back of head (funny how that’s where my headaches start too) that she might just be seeing other people. Its not wrong (and I’m definitely not the right person to judge anyway), but if she got out of a relationship for this, then it’s not very right is it, especially since she first claimed she doesn’t have time for the ex.

Like I said, I may not be the right person to judge, but I don’t think its fair. The ex is a very good friend of mine as well, and it just, you know, you can’t just stand there and do nothing.

But then again I’m just beginning to wonder, if all P is doing is innocently socialising with the friends she had missed out on, and I’m just subconsciously projecting my guilt onto her actions. Its not something that I would want to do, but lately I’ve been questioning myself and wondering if its something I should do.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it really is time to take a break. (Notice how it becomes a recurring ending for my posts lately? Haha.)

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